I believe I have stumble on a scientific break through.
Purely by accident, but I have discovered a way to make your life increasingly better.
It does not involve a fad diet, the latest self help book from Dr. Phil or Oz. Even Oprah can’t lay claim to this. All it takes from the willing participant is as strong a stomach as possible. What I have discovered that will surely win the Nobel Prize for Humanitarian efforts, and make you feel 100% better then you have ever felt about yourself is this….
Watch any The Real Housewives of…shows on Bravo television.
If you can make it past two minutes, you will have so much stress and anxiety drift off your shoulders, you’ll feel like a new person that will fall to their knees and thank God that they are not like any of these “housewives”.
From New York to Beverly Hills and several other ports of call, never have I seen such a collection of botox filled, silicon injected, pretentious, hypocritical, back stabbing women who will yell and scream at each other calling each a this or that but yet call each other once a week for a day of martinis, shopping on Rodeo Drive and planning a trip that all of them will take together across the world so they can get everyone back on track. Whatever that means.
Now I know my lovely wife will have a say in this eventually so I will be truthful. She will stick it out with me on the family room couch as I have found the latest baseball game or basketball playoffs. She’s a good sport and will watch with me for a while then will excuse herself and go upstairs. Now depending on the day, I can usually stay with it until about 10:00 or 10:30 then retire for the evening. Other days I might be climbing the stairs about 9:30. This is where it gets me. I know what’s on the television and I’m going to have to at least listen to it while I pray for the Advil PM to take a strong hold of me. Usually about half way through the show is when the accusations as well as the drinks start flying. I close my eyes as tight as possible and wish, in this case, the Boogie Housewife, to go away. She will say that I like these shows, but nothing could be further from the truth. How any of these women make a living has yet to be fully explained. As best I can tell, one has made a successful name for herself in the business world, and another is a blatant trophy wife for the real life Erin Brockovich lawyer played by Albert Finney. She wears these outfits made of sequins and dental floss and performs at gay nightclubs. The others, one can only assume from the series of failed marriages they have had and following alimony they receive.
The evilness is on full display when they have these Reunion shows in which the entire cast is put in one sound stage. This is where it turns into a Jerry Springer show. One will eventually “go too far” and another will get up from her perch to dab her eyes with a perfectly folded tissue and insist that she needs to walk away from all this. The cameraman follows her down a hallway to a dressing room when she is stopped by her two “BFF’s” who try to console her. Also, I think it would be interesting to see what these shows budget for double sided dress tape? Because these gowns don’t leave a lot t the imagination…I’ll just leave it at that.
There is one place that is even more evil then any of the Housewives shows. A place so deranged it makes our current political climate tolerable. Of course I am talking about, Vanderpump Rules. 20 plus year old, self indulgent, stupid morons who will all be suffering from liver failure because they’re all alcoholics who for some reason or another, believe that anything they do or say is brillant and to hell with anyone who thinks otherwise. They have names like Jax and La La. I’m not kidding, there is a girl named La La. My brain gets a cramp every time I see even a few minutes of this wasteland and try to make sense of it.
So just remember. There is a cure for the blues. When you are feeling down and unsure of yourself, not certain where life is taking you? Just wait for Bravo at 9:00 pm. I guarantee that after no more then two minutes listening to any of these dolts and drunken morons, you will feel so much better about yourself and will fall to your knees too give thanks to God that at least you are not any of these delusional, self entitled, alcohol filled, fake tanned, fake pretty much anything else….“Housewives.”
Thanks for reading. Paul
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